To See
by I'mHalfSickOfShadows
Summary: When Nico accidentally-on-purpose kisses Percy, things get awkward.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

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><p>They were at the camp arena, sparring. There was quite a crowd; after all it isn't every day you see two sons of the Big Three fight. The Stoll Brothers were running a bet on who would win, and it seems everybody had a drachma or two in it.<p>

"Go, Nico! I have ten drachma on you!" Jason shouted.

Percy ducked a swipe and kicked Nico's legs from under him. The younger demigod went down, but rolled over and jumped back on his feet. They circled each other warily, until the son of Poseidon grew inpatient and charged.

The son of Hades sidestepped his blade, as if expecting the attack, and smashed the hilt of his sword into Percy's ribs. That caused the other half-blood to stumble and go into a coughing fit. Then Nico kicked the back of his knees, causing the green-eyed boy to fall. The Ghost King flipped Percy onto his back with his feet and made the earth bind his limbs, leaving him motionless. Leisurely, he touched the son of Poseidon's neck the tip of his black sword, and said:

"Do you yield, Jackson?"

Percy laughed and retorted:

"Sure, I yield. Though this wasn't fair, you had all this earth around you while the closest water source is the lake."

"Excuses, excuses." Nico teased "You know I'm nowhere near as good with earth as Hazel. If we were fighting at night, then you could claim it was unfair. Face it, Jackson, I kicked your sorry ass." He had a small smile on his face.

"You caught me by surprise!" Percy protested.

"You mean you underestimated me." The smile was gone.

"No, I didn't mean…" he began.

"Nico!" Jason interrupted "You just made me fifty drachma! Come on, you can shadow travel us somewhere and I'll treat you to lunch. You've earned it!"

The pale boy smiled a bit at that. He let himself be steered away from the arena, leaving Percy behind.

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><p>"So what was that all about?" Jason inquired through a mouthful of spaghetti.<p>

They were somewhere in Italy, in a restaurant hidden by the Mist run by demigods. When Nico was feeling down he like to eat food that reminded him of his childhood, and as stereotypical as it was, pasta made him feel better.

"It's nothing."

The son of Jupiter raised an eyebrow, clearly not impressed with the lie.

Nico sighed and said:

"Fine. Percy was so surprised I beat him. He took that shot to his ribs because he unwisely charged. A newbie would have panicked and gotten smashed by that move, but… I've been through the same two wars as him." He ran his hand through his hair, frustrated "Did he really expect that to work? He underestimated me, and that bothers me. I know he'll never see me as I see him" he blushed "but I was hoping for a bit of respect, some admiration if I can get it."

"Well, he was stupid and he paid the price. But I can see why you're upset."

"I'm not upset!" he protested.

"Yes, you are. You eat Italian when you're upset, though usually we go to a restaurant near camp. For you to have actually come to Italy for food, this must be bothering you a lot."

"Shut up." Nico said through his gelato "Are you done?"

Jason swallowed the last bit of his meal and nodded.

"We can get you a gelato to go. Let's get the check and go home."

When they got back to camp, it was nighttime. They parted ways and went to their respective cabins, not needing to go to dinner. When Nico got to Cabin 13, however, someone was already there, sitting on the porch.

"Percy? What are you doing here?"

The son of Poseidon looked up and smiled a bit.

"Nico! I was waiting for you. Where did you guys go?"

"Italy." Was the curt reply.

"Nice."

"What are you doing here?"

Percy scratched the back of his neck, looking awkward, and said:

"Can we talk inside? It's kind of chilly out here" he rubbed his bare arms, and Nico blushed when he followed the movement with his eyes.

"Sure. Come on in."

He climbed the steps and unlocked his cabin. The cabins were not supposed to have locks, but since barely anybody went there no one really knew. Or cared.

They went inside and Nico switched on the lights. Percy winced at the sudden clarity, but soon adjusted.

The son of Hades looked at him expectantly, so he began:

"I'm…sorry, ok? About what I said. You looked upset, and I just wanted to apologize for hurting your feelings."

"Gods, you make me sound like a whiny twelve-year-old. It's fine. Was that all?" Nico wanted him gone. He had no idea just how often he hurt the Ghost King's feelings, and the younger demigod wanted to keep things that way.

"Yeah, but tell me why you were hurt. What did I say? If I know what it was I won't do it again."

"It was nothing, really." Nico leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest. His body language screamed _Go away!_, which made Percy all the more curious. The green-eyed demigod stepped forward, closer to the other boy.

"Just please tell me what I did wrong. I hate seeing you like this."

"You did nothing wrong. Now leave my cabin, I want to get some sleep. Changing time zones like this is exhausting." He pushed himself off the wall, only to trip on the thick carpet, crashing onto Percy and making both of them fall.

"Ow…" the son of Poseidon complained.

"S-sorry!" he was blushing, stuttering and he was amazed Percy couldn't hear his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest.

"No problem." The older half-blood shifted and flipped them over, so that he hovered over Nico "Are you ok?"

He squeaked in embarrassment at being so easily handled (he was not going to think about how much he enjoyed the closeness between them) and nodded, not trusting his voice, while avoiding eye contact at all costs.

"Are you feeling alright? You're looking kind of flushed. Do you have a fever? C'mon, look at me. Am I that ugly?"

Nico shook his head hesitantly, and slowly lifted his gaze. Percy smiled.

"See? Was that so hard?" his smile grew wider, making his eyes sparkle with joy. And that was it, Nico couldn't take it anymore. He leaned up and kissed the boy on top of him.

It was a single chaste kiss, a brush of the lips as innocent as it could be. The son of Hades realized what he was doing, and the way Percy had stiffened in surprise. He scooted backwards, away from the son of Poseidon, who looked shell-shocked. Those beautiful green eyes were staring at him, but they weren't focused.

Nico was unable to even mumble an apology as he wrapped the shadows around him and disappeared.

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><p>Percy didn't know what to think. How could he have missed something like that? Nico had never expressed any interest in girls. He should've noticed, but he'd thought that maybe the heir of the Underworld was a late bloomer.<p>

He decided to talk to Jason. After all, he was one of his closest friends. He was also one of the few who managed to get close to Nico di Angelo. Maybe he could help him figure this out. He stood outside Cabin One, when he heard voices inside. Percy blushed, thinking the son of Jupiter was with Piper, but then recognized the other voice as being Nico's. Against his better judgment, he decided to listen in.

"It's ok…" Jason said.

"No, it's really not. He probably hates me. He's probably washing his mouth with Greek fire as we speak!" the son of Hades retorted, sounding panicky.

"Don't be so dramatic. And calm down."

"You should've seen his face, Jason! He looked like he couldn't decide between murdering me on the spot and puking out the window. I disgust him." The last part was almost a whisper, but Percy caught it anyway. Did he really look like that? He had been merely surprised…

"I highly doubt it. You have the tendency to think the worst of any situation. You're a pessimist. Tell him… tell him you were drunk. Yeah, that should work. We just came back from Italy, tell him you drank too much wine. Say you were tipsy and thought he was that girl from the Aphrodite Cabin. You know, the one that has short hair and green eyes… Gemma, I think?"

"It could work." Nico mused "But Percy's eyes are a different shade of green. Gemma's eyes are dull, like cheap plastic."

"I don't think Percy will know the difference. Just tell him that story and the worst thing that can happen is him teasing you about liking an airhead like Gemma."

"I don't think he'll buy it, he's not dumb. I didn't smell like alcohol. I don't even drink! He wouldn't know that, but I wasn't acting drunk. Just stupid. There's a difference. It's ok, though… I'll be fine."

"Will you really?"

"Maybe Percy will be nice enough to let me pretend it never happened. But I had to do it, at least once. I'm sure it was horrible for him, I mean, he was…. He was my first." The son of Poseidon felt himself smile at that. For some reason he was happy to be Nico's first, even if it caught him off guard.

"Seriously? You never kissed anyone?"

"Shut it, Jason, it's not that hard to believe." He snapped, then his tone softened "Yes, he was my first… and I can cherish the five seconds I got with him. I was hoping it would be awful for me. That he'd have bad breath or something. I was hoping this could be the end of my hopeless crush on him, but no. I felt so… happy. Yes, as much as it disgusts me to say that, kissing him was one of the best things I've done." He finished sadly.

"What do you mean it disgusts you? I thought we were over the I'm-a-disgusting-freak phase. You were getting better. What happened?" Percy's frowned. It sounded like the younger demigod had had a lot of problems with himself. He felt bad for not helping him through it, and even worse for not even noticing.

"That's not what I meant. It disgusts me because I'm full of issues, but when I was with him I felt light and free. It didn't actually _solve_ anything, but I felt happiness bubbling up my chest, butterflies in my stomach, the works. And all from one measly kiss. I'm pathetic." Percy's frown deepened. If it had made him feel so good, why was he sounding so defeated?

"No, you're not. I feel that way when I'm with Piper too."

"Don't say that. She's your soul mate. If Percy's my soul mate, then… well, things will be pretty lonely for me. He has Annabeth. They're happy. I was selfish, stealing that kiss. I know I can't have him, but now at least I have a memory."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I think he's figured it out. He knows I like him, but it doesn't matter; He will be able to see how badly this messed with me. I feel tempted to stay in camp and see him squirm as he sees my metaphorical scars, but it would hurt me more than it would affect him. Maybe I should leave."

"You don't have to leave. Where would you go?"

"I was thinking about going back to Italy. Venice, in fact. I like to watch the waves… I'm a masochist, I know. It just looks like his eyes… and he always smells like the sea." He sounded wistful "Maybe in Italy I can find someone to help me forget. Maybe one day it'll be over." Percy scowled: The idea of an Italian guy being with Nico made his stomach churn.

"Don't make any rash decisions, it's all I ask of you. Don't leave, not yet. If you still want to after you thought about it, I'll support you. And I really don't think he will be a jerk over this, you know? That's not his style." Percy smiled and mentally thanked Jason for standing up for him.

"It's just… My chest feels empty, you know? I gave him my heart eight years ago and never took it back." There were sniffles now, and Percy was sure Nico was crying. Because of him. Gods, he felt like crap.

He decided he'd pried enough and left. He had a lot of thinking to do.

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><p>The next morning Percy was late for breakfast. He hadn't slept all that well. When he got to the pavilion he immediately scanned the tables, checking if Nico hadn't left camp. He was sitting at the Zeus table, as usual. The son of Hades met his eye, then blushed and looked away. He whispered something into Jason's ear, got up and left in a hurry. He sighed. How could he make things right?<p>

He decided to stick to his original plan, and talk to Jason. He got some cereal for breakfast, throwing in a few flakes into the fire for his father and a few for Aphrodite. He would need all the help he could get.

He sat down in front of the son of Jupiter, who looked up at him surprised.

"Hey, man."

Jason nodded in greeting and asked:

"No offense, but why are you here? And you look like shit, by the way."

"Thanks, Jason. Really feeling the love. And I think you know why I'm here."

"You hate eating alone?"

"Don't play dumb. You know what happened yesterday. I tried going to your cabin after it happened, only to find it… occupied."

"Oh. What are you going to do about it?"

"I have no idea. I'm shit with feelings. It took me and Annabeth three years to become a couple… And another three for it to end." He added the last bit in his mind "That's why I'm talking to you. You know him pretty well."

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will warn you: don't hurt him. If you're interested, great. Ride off into the sunset, make him happy. He sure as hell deserves it. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But let him down gently. He has a shit ton of issues regarding his self-esteem and his… inclinations, so be careful with what you say. I swear, if he comes crying to me because you broke his heart…" he narrowed his eyes "we are going to have a problem. Understood?"

"I should be offended, you know. My fatal flaw is loyalty to my friends. That includes not shitting all over their feelings."

"Sure, but they don't call you Seaweed Brain over nothing. You might hurt him without realizing it. You've done it enough times."  
>Percy winced. It was true; he'd thought back to all the things he'd said and done and could see just how much of a jerk he had been. Not on purpose, but still.<p>

"Fair enough. But I know a little better where I stand now. I'll do my best."

Jason nodded, like he was satisfied with his answer. The green-eyed demigod turned and left, heading into the woods. He'd seen Nico go on that direction, so he might as well try to follow him.

He walked slowly, carefully rying to listen to the sounds of someone else among the trees. There was no shortage of noises, and a couple of monsters did attack him (and of course were quickly vanquished). He was almost giving up when he heard a sound to his left. He tilted his head, so he could listen better, and it did seem someone was nearby.

Percy tip-toed to the edge of the clearing, but apparently he was not quiet enough.

"I know you are there, Percy" Nico said in a bored voice "I could hear you crashing through the foliage a mile away."

The son of Poseidon sighed at getting caught, and walked out into the soft grass. Nico was sitting with his back against a tree trunk, perfectly calm. The only thing that revealed just how nervous he was were his ever fidgeting fingers.

"I'm not that loud." He protested weakly.

The son of Hades merely raised an eyebrow and refrained from commenting.

"I bet you are wondering why I'm here." Percy said, trying to start a conversation he had no idea how to finish.

"No, I know exactly why you are here." the Ghost King answered in a lifeless tone.

"Then why don't you tell me?"

Nico, who'd been avoiding his eyes, pinned him to his spot with his intense gaze.

"You are here because you are loyal. So loyal, in fact, that even though you are repulsed by me and disgusted by what I did you will still try to be nice about it. Save it. I don't need your pity, or your forgiveness. I'm leaving." his tone was spiteful, almost angry, but his eyes showed all the sadness in his heart. Percy could see how hurt he was.

"That's not it at all. Sorry, but you're wrong this time." he said trying to lighten up the rapidly dropping mood.

"Then just get it over with and leave me. I've got to pack soon." the son of Hades dropped his gaze.

"Not that I want you gone, but if you're really leaving, why haven't you already?"

Nico rolled his eyes and answered:

"Jason's birthday is in a couple of days. If I leave before then I'll have to come back for it and the doofus will try to convince me to stay. He might even have the gall to call it a birthday present."

"You know Jason's birthday?"

"Obviously. I know everyone's birthday." he shrugged.

"Even mine?" Percy asked before he could stop himself.

The son of Hades turned a light pink and answered:

"Even yours."

"When is your birthday? Sorry I never asked." Percy said, once more trying to brighten the atmosphere.

"You never asked because you never cared." Nico said throwing the other boy's efforts out the window "And I don't remember when was my birthday. The Lotus staff figured their guests would think something was off if they celebrated fifty birthdays in what felt like a couple of weeks. And after seventy years of not celebrating it the date was lost."

"So you don't celebrate your birthday anymore?"

"Of course I do."

"And when is it? Or do you just pick a day that you feel like having a party and declare it your birthday?" Percy mused.

"Nothing like that. It is on August 29th."

"Why that specific date?" he inquired.

Nico blushed before answering "Hazel thought it was unacceptable for me to not have a birthday, so she told me to pick a date. I picked the 29th because that was the day I met Hazel, and I told her..." his blush deepened " I told her she was the best gift I ever got."

Percy smiled "That's a nice thought. I'm sure she appreciated it."

He smiled a little bit "She hugged the life out of me, then dragged me off to eat cupcakes."

The son of Poseidon laughed loudly at the mental image of teeny tiny Hazel making her grumpy brother eat frosted treats. When he stopped he caught Nico staring at him.  
>"Sorry!" he hastily apologized and looked away, flushing all the way to his ears.<p>

Percy was reminded of why he was here and what had happened the day before. He'd just lost his train of thought talking to the other boy; it was so easy! Why didn't he try it before?

"Nico..." he began.

"No, it's alright, I' fine. Can't you just pretend none of it ever happened? We're better off like this, and I promise you will never have to look at me again. I'll stay out of your way." he sounded pleading, and there was so much sorrow in his eyes it made his heart ache.

"How can I go back to the way things were knowing you're like this?"  
>Nico flinched, and Percy hurried to explain himself.<p>

"No! That's not what I meant! I meant that how can I forget about the whole thing when know how hurt you are? Do you really expect me to abandon you to your own misery?"

"_Yes!_" he practically yelled "I want you to forget about it and let me be. Maybe if I leave it will get easier."

"And run off to Venice to hit it off with an Italian guy?" Percy shot back.

Nico blushed all the way to his hairline and asked "How the hell do you know about that?" his voice was an octave higher than usual.

When he didn't answer, Nico drew his own conclusions.

"You eavesdropped, didn't you?" he sounded angry.

"I didn't mean to!"

"That was a _private_ conversation, you had no right to listen to it!" he was getting angrier.

"I didn't know what to do! I went to Jason's cabin because there was no one else I could talk to! You kissed me out of nowhere and I was confused, I had no idea what was going on! It's not my fault shadow travelling is faster than walking!"

"It doesn't matter now. Leave."

"No! We have to talk about this, Nico! Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"You are many things, Percy, but you are not stupid. I wasn't going to voluntarily tell you that I'm... I'm... you know."

"You can't even say it, can you? There is nothing wrong with who you are!" the way Nico talked, or rather didn't talk about himself was worrisome.

"Regardless of who I am, Percy. I can't make people like me back. No matter what inspirational speech you give me, in the end, I fell for someone that can never love me back." he said sadly.

"I'm sorry..."

"What are you apologizing for? For not being... like me? For not liking the creepy son of Hades who has nothing to offer? I don't blame you. I don't hate you. And I hope that someday I can be indifferent to you."

"Don't talk like that!" he said angrily "you are caring and selfless, and you have so much to offer. Even if you didn't, a relationship is not a business transaction; sometimes you take more than you give. And that is fine."

"You don't get to talk like that to me!" his tone was heated, only to drop to barely a whisper when he said "Just...leave me alone. Please."

"I'm sorry, I can't. It's not in my nature to see someone in pain and do nothing about it."

"Damn it, Percy, you just want to see me fall apart, don't you?" his voice was shaking, and the son of Poseidon wished there was something he could do to stop it.

"No. I want you to accept yourself. I want you to see that liking me isn't the end of the world. Have you considered that I might give this a shot?"

The son of Hades narrowed his eyes and said in a flat tone:

"I didn't think you were capable of this. I thought you were good, but apparently you can still mock me." his voice grew strained as he tried to keep his tears from falling " Go ahead, get it out of your system. Laugh at the idiot who fell in love with the Savior of Olympus. Laugh at the fool who has loved you for more time than he cares to admit. Just do me a favor and tell Jason I'm leaving. And I'm not coming back." he blinked and the tears he tried so hard not to shed fell down his cheeks. He got up, brushing himself off while wiping at his face with his sleeves. It was not like he had any dignity left anyway.

"Please, wait!" Percy reached out and grabbed his wrist gently but firmly just before he shadow travelled. They landed in Cabin thirteen.

"I swear I am not playing with you. Honest. I just... I don`t know. Can you blame me for being confused? I like you, I do, but I never though of guys that way." he desperately tried to explain himself.

"You don't have to lie just to keep me here, you know."

"But I'm not! Really, the thought of you getting it on with some random Italian guy is weird and I don't like it." Nico had a hurt expression, so he added " Not because it is a guy, but because it is another guy."

"I don't understand."

"Gah! Why is this so hard to explain? I don't want to say that you are mine, because you are not property to have an owner, is just... I liked our kiss, all five seconds of it. I liked the idea that I was your first." Nico blushed but Percy kept going "I want to try it again. And maybe, if you still want me, I can be your first at other things too." he could feel his cheeks heating up, and hoped his tan would cover it up.

The son of Hades stared at him with wide eyes and pink cheeks. He looked lovely, and Percy had to do it: he closed the distance between them, softly joining their lips in a simple kiss.

They had all the time in the world to build up to lewder things, but it seemed like they made the mutual decision to speed it up. The son of Poseidon walked backwards until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, making them fall on the soft mattress. They shifted until Nico was straddling Percy's hips, still kissing him passionately. He didn' know what he was doing, so he let the other young man lead. The older half-blood enjoyed the role of teacher very much, and loved the little noises the Ghost King made.

Percy had just taken of his shirt when the door burst open and Jason walked in.

"Nico, I wanted to check on you, do you need anything?" he saw the pair on the bed, smiled widely and said "Maybe lube and some condoms?" he laughed at Nico's horrified expression, then turned and left.

"Well, that was mortifying." the son of Hades said, sliding off Percy and settling in a corner of the bed.

"Could've been worse" the other demigod argued " Hazel could've caught us. She would have freaked out and then kicked my ass for corrupting her little brother." he snickered.

"Yeah, sounds like her..." he answered as Percy crawled closer to his side of the bed.

They kissed once more, a lot more innocently than a few moments ago. Nico broke their embrace and asked shyly:

"Could we just stay for a little bit? This is all new for me, and I'm not..." he trailed off, embarrassed.

"That's fine, Nico. I'm not used to this either. I guess I just got carried away."

The younger boy smiled, but then looked sad.

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Nico..."

"Fine. I'm afraid you'll realize you can do so much better and leave me. I'm afraid to let myself get used to this only to see you ditch me for somebody better. It's pathetic, yes, but that's how I feel."

Percy enveloped him in a hug, and said:

"I'm the one that should be scared you'll tell me to fuck off. That you'll say that you've gotten over me, that I took too long to notice."

"You are always blind for what you're not looking for, or so I read somewhere." Nico replied softly.  
>Percy broke their embrace to look at him:<p>

"I see you now."

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><p><strong>[AN] **

**Hello!**

**Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you wish, but if you want to point out flaws in my grammar, please be nice as I am not a native English speaker.**

**I hope you guys liked it!**


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